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gryphon1

Gryphon, just Gryphon
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    Summer is over and I guess it’s time to sum up its results and do an update. I was pretty inactive recent month-two because I suddenly remembered, it’s damn mid summer and I haven’t started to do what I’ve planned. I can’t say I spent this time productive, quite the contrary, I’m still so far from what I have in my TODO list. The life dictates its terms and conditions so things happen far from how we would like. Well, I don’t know if it was because of my recent mood (“I've got that summertime, summertime sadness…”) or health status, but the whole summer was pretty slow and lazy. More offensive is the fact that I expected my vacation quite strongly. Another unpleasant thing was that I suddenly stayed almost without salaries from both works and, respectively, without free money. Not sure what was a problem, last summer I don’t remember I had something like that, and It was kinda unexpected, because I had some plans for heath treatment, so I had to move all of it to another month. Anyway, I guess this problem should be resolved very soon…
    But don’t think that everything went in a fairly negative way. Um, I finally returned to the game dev stuff in Unreal Engine 4 after a quite long break. It started quite spontaneously, but then it went ok. With Kery we started to work on small dragon demo game. It’s still so far from good working code, but here’s what I have so far:

Thinking as a mod for the ARK: Survival Evolved game, we also decided to make a separate project and extend it. I don’t believe we could make something looking at game, let’s face it, 3d game development requires a good team and money for that, but I like the progress we did and the experience of working on this project is quite interesting (although not everything goes how it should be, lack of experience in this area). I’m not sure if I could manage to make/add a gryphon model and make something like switch between characters (or even multiplayer, because why not?) but I would like very much. I personally like the idea of making your own 3d worlds for interacting with them. I guess it's not far off that time when we will spend quite a lot of time in completely computer-generated worlds…
    So here’s a September and it’s also starting my PhD courses very soon. Umm, well, a rather unpleasant situation happened with my PhD so I’m not sure if I could handle this year in the place where I entered and maybe I’ll have to look for another place in another city/country. It’s also was super so unexpected that if I had more time, I would have chosen something different (alas there was nothing to choose then). Another one thing is I’ll be holding some lectures about design of electronics and digital electronics in my university so the next academic year will be quite loaded (not counting work on the PhD’s dissertation), but maybe it will only do good since I recently spend all my time at home, feeling pretty weak and don’t develop as a person. I’m also planning to return to drawing as soon as everything is settled.
    It was quite a short update imo, but I hope I could explain something what was recently happened to me. Thanks for paying attention and take care of yourself.
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Gosh, it was tough and difficult, for sure. I know, I wasn't active here and there because of it, but I did it! And now I'm MoS in Electrical Engineering. Some people may think that diplomas don't matter and it's just a paper, but not for me. It's like another one step in scientific career, something more than common name. Looking backward I realize I haven't done what I was planning in aerodynamics and not only because of my recent illness and other nasty things. But now I can finally take a deep breathe and do a small break before PhD exams. I'm still not sure should I go there since our university has only one place and I can't enter there because of another candidate, and have to choose something different, something like marine institude which is actually doesn't fit in my thematics, unfortunaly, but I don't have a choice and... sigh... I really don't know... I feel that now it's necessary to make a choice from which my future can depend and I'm not sure... And this was frustrating me past several weeks, I literally was depressed by future and decisions. I suppose it may sound strange, but it's hard to choose every time. 
Annd, I guess, since I decided to write this journal I can write some of my recent thoughts... 

How are you?
I am tired. Not physically (but also too), but mentally by asking myself recently a lot of different questions, maybe even nonsensical. Early I thought I know what I will do after university, but now... now... I feel like I know nothing. The one side, maybe it's a good point to go and find another one more payful job (I currently have two and it's not enough). But then, maybe, I won't almost have a free time for different kind of projects. But the other side it's also difficult to live such for various reasons. It would be very nice if I could to create a laboratory here, but since the rent prices are too huge here I'm thinking about any other options. But lab will be necessary for future PhD work, so, it's important question for now... Also I'm currently passing through a difficult time in my personal life and I'm just too depressed without any reasons. I even woke up at night with a fit of panic attack few times, it was kinda scary. 

What plans do I have now?
Well, tomorrow I'm going to PhD department in IMTP to talk about entering and preparing some documents. Also I'm currently saving some money for replacement of my current tablet to something new and bigger since my current is pretty small and sometimes inconvenient for drawing. I bought this one because wasn't sure I'll succeeded in drawing. So, I'm kinda excited about buying the new one. Also I had some plans for personal hardware projects and I veeery hope finally to finish some of them (like home meteostation which I'm doing.... errr... several years I guess?) Anyway, summer should be a bit busy and interesting.
Also, recently started another one pic, so, maybe after it I'll make a raffle dedicated to my graduation, will see...

What about health?
Well... it's so-so. The post-surgery wound still exist and hasn't healed. Not sure if it helped or not for decreasing body temperature, looks like a little, but still my body temp isn't 36.6C what is also frustrating me. Besides this wound I still have to do even more planned medical tests, maybe in the next month, all depends how quickly my wound will heal. And still hard to take a deep breathe, especially during laying on the back.

Maybe something else?
Ehh... I guess that's all for now. I usually prefer don't to tell about myself a lot, especially from a negative side, but I had to do it. But I try not to lose heart. It's hard... but I'm trying... I'm looking forward and hope to see a bright days (to be honest, here's soo wet, also fogs, rains, winds, clouds; almost no summer this year).. ///
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I think you must be noticed recently my low activity and I thought I should explain a situation around. 
Some people around me knew I was sick since October and still can't heal from this. I was examined by doctors of various speciality. Every doctor found something in analyzes, and treated, but in the end it did not help - I still have a low-grade fever and weakness in the body. It remains to check a few options, but, I believe, the reason is not in this. One year ago I was discovered an epithelial coccygeal cyst, which can be also a hotbed of inflammation. Then I couldn't go to surgery because the doctors spent too long time for analyzes and writing out certificates (it really took some time). In the summer I wasn't recommended to go for surgery because of the high likelihood of suppuration of the wound (here's pretty hot and humid in the summer, not the most favorable time of the year for this), so I decided to postpone it until winter. Luckily, in this week I completely prepared all analyzes and I'll go to the hospital in next week - a surgery was scheduled at April 20. I hope that nothing will stop it this time. The doc said, a surgery is not too complicated, but the postoperative period will take almost a month, so this time I won't be able to work (and draw, of course). The second moment is my master's dissertation, which I also trying to finish asap and working on it also takes some effort and time. Defense of my dissertation is very soon and I even can't imagine how I will be able to finish it in this state since the last medicine greatly clouds the mind, because of what it becomes difficult for me to think and work, constantly tends to sleep. Although I decided to stop taking them for now - it's very difficult to cope with their side effects, but I still try to meet the deadlines. This is the second reason for my low activity in drawing and chat lately. 
Starting next week I'll be constantly offline on Discord and Skype, though I will be keeping my phone with me the whole time, so, I can reply on your messages as far as I can. The surgeon said, I'll spend in the hospital about week or even more - all depends on how quickly the wound heals.
That's all for now, I'll be update my status on my Twitter. 
Take care of yourself.
Gryphon.
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2016 year is coming to the end and it's time to summarize it. This year was full of different events, activities and many other things. It brought both good and bad. I purposely overlooked quite important events of the world community, such as, for example, elections in the USA and other political events, because, in my personal opinion, this is not the main thing in life that are worthy of attention. So let's go through it all point by point.
First of all I would like to thank everyone who was around me the whole year. Being around I finally joined to the Herpy (scalie) community in the end of the last year, it gave me some thoughts and strength for what I'm doing now here. I've met so much interesting people there and here. Seriously, you made me look at some of the things from the other side, helped me with your advices and just being around! That was really enough and really like I've met you all! I hope my company was also pleasing to you. And I sorry if I've said or done something you thought is unacceptable for me. I wish you success in the next year, stay funny, cheerful and just yourself. You guys rock! 
I remember I promised a raffle dedicated to 100 watchers at FA, but I haven't forgotten about it, just put aside for the reasons listed below. And I already decided the first thing in the next year will be this raffle. Just stay tuned.
So, let's go forward and the next thing I would like to write is about my health... Some of my friends know I'm sick since the middle of September and still can't recover. It is expressed in a constant fever, weakness and general health instability, so even making simple things exhausts me now. I must say this year was terrible about my health: everything started in the middle of Spring, when I was too close to go for a surgery, but for some reasons and due to the fact it was delayed until the summer, it was decided to postpone the operation until the winter. Unfortunately, I won't go to the surgery soon because I'm still sick and can't just do that. Will have to wait in the hope the state of health will not worsen. I suppose I visited doctors for this year more than ever before. The situation is such no one really can not put the correct diagnosis, the last time it was found the presence of a viral infection, but the reason may be quite different. For now I take antiviral drugs, but it seems to me, they do not help. And all I can do right now is only hope to improve health. The second possible reason is that it can be a reaction to a stressful condition. Sometimes it seems to me that I am under stress without even realizing it, but this is just speculation. The disease has broken all my plans. That is the main reason why I'm not so active as I was. It was one of the unfortunate events of this year and I hope the next yeah won't have such... Move on...
Now about a pleasant - art! Exactly one year ago, I was sitting and waiting for the New Year, and decided for myself finally learn to draw. I did not know what might come out of this, if I can do to achieve at least some results and some other things, but now I'm sitting here and proud to say - "Yes, I made even more than I expected!". Stated from nothing I think I've made some progress in this area (I think if you watched me since my the first picture you should understand what I mean). I again returned at DeviantArt, I'm more active at FurAffinity because almost all my friends are there. Yesterday, when I did Summary of Art, I browsed all of my art, and, wow, just huge improvements. Started from drawing on Adobe Illustrator without tablet and finished working in Photoshop using graphic tablet. I must say, I had some computer graphic courses in the 2007 and actively used PS, but never used it for drawing. And after buying a graphical tablet everything was changed... At the moment, it seems to me, I reached some point and stuck there: the way I draw pictures isn't perfect and takes too much time (I'm spending almost a week for just one picture). That is a moment when I know better ways, but don't know exactly how to draw. I suppose, this will be my the next point, because we should always try to go further and do not stay in one place, right? But I already have learnt a lot of things and now thinking should I write some kind, well, maybe not tutorial, but some tips for newbie? Write if you're interested. Also, the next point is trying some animation stuff. Some people wanted me to try to do an animation, but I feel I'm not ready for that (the other side, I've learnt we always not ready for new stuff), so, now I'm looking up for an application for creating animation and definitely I'll try myself in this field. I counted whom I drew during the year. There are: Drad-lescore, Arith, Varka, Duke BD, Ra-Meil, Neptas, Arzikal, Kurtoric, Juraxis, Drakadus, Mallis, Kairus, Raevocrei(Blade), Kalemendrax, Semura, Raven (RFawzyN), Chickenzaur, Tera, Fingerpint, Seledrex, Aquilla, DrUnevil, Zan, Nabalazs, Drakkir, Skrom and myself... It was very interesting to work with your characters, but the other side, very difficult for me. So I hope next year the amount of them will be even more. And, again, it was really nice, but difficult challenge for myself. But I did it! If you are going to start to draw, just start to draw! If even me, just an electrical engineer did it, you can do it too!
Alright, the next step is my personal life/work. Well, people around me knows I usually don't tell much about my personal life for various reasons, and I'm still considering it's not interesting for another people, but maybe I should share something... This year was pretty difficult for personal life for reasons beyond the control of me. But what I could do and what I will do... This maybe change my future life. I want to say the same, I feel I've stuck at the point irl, It did not seem to developing further. The place where I do live is so far from the other world, but unfortunately I'm not able to move, again, for some reasons. And more I think about it, the more I plunge into the abyss of uncertainty. The next year I would like to dedicate this problem and even more, I finally decided to change my the main place of work and go forward. Where? I don't know, but I feel I should go further in searching of something more. Unfortunately, here's pretty difficult to find a good engineering work, so, I'm affraid, I won't work as designer of electrical devices here. The other side I'm still working as engineer-researcher and maybe things will change. For now I'm currently finishing my magistracy and next year will receive a Master's Degree, so the following months will be devoted to the writing of my dissertation about flapping aircrafts (to be correct, about laboratory equipments and such stuff). And so the closer will be the end of spring, the less active I'll be here. But I hope for the best. The next step will be entering for a PhD, so I will be a true scientist XD 
Well, in fact I've tell everything, because there's a lot of text, but I hope you got my point.
In conclusion, I would like to wish you good luck in the coming year. Let all your failures will remain in this year, and all the achievements will be transferred in the following year. Stay curious, try everything, because you live only once. Do not waste your time, your strength for living someone's life. Do not bring harm to the people, do only good, and just be yourself! We live in interesting times... It was your friendly Gryphon, see you in the next year!
В завершении я бы хотел пожелать вам удачи в следующем году. Пусть все ваши провалы останутся в этом, а все достижения перейдут в следующий год. Оставайтесь всегда любознательными, пробуйте все вокруг, ведь вы живете лишь один раз. Не упускайте свое время, свои силы проживая чью-то жизнь. Не приносите людям вред, а только пользу и просто будьте самими собой. Ведь мы живем в интересное время. С Вами был ваш дружелюбный Грифон, до встречи в следующем году!

2016.
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